Trying to be bit a bit more bold.....

Blogging is quickly becoming something I forget to do...again...!

Anyway, this is a little story from the past week.

Over the past 18 months I've been trying to be a bit bolder at stepping out in what I think God is telling me to do. I've asked God to give me opportunities to step out and sometimes I've bombed and bottled it and sometimes I've somehow managed to put my fears aside and step out. Some of which has been documented on this very blog.

If I'm honest the 'stepping out-ness' had gone a bit quiet, for a vast amount of reasons I'd just stopped expecting to have to step out much, especially publically, with people who don't know Jesus.

Anyway last Friday I was very excited to be purchasing an iphone from the o2 store in Croydon. I'd previously been in there to talk about tariffs etc and as I got into the queue on Friday I caught the eye of the bloke I'd spoken to before. He was so helpful and went straight out the back, picked up the handset I wanted, bought it out, allowed me to jump the queue and just started sorting it all out for me, much to my amazement and probably to the annoyance of the people ahead of me in the queue.

So anyway, I join the o2 bloke and it takes him a while to sort out the paper work etc. We have a jolly old chat about the iphone and various other stuff. He tells me his wife has an iphone etc etc. We're basically chatting like friends. Now all through this conversation I'm noticing he has a brace thing on his wrist. 'He's hurt his wrist' I think to myself. My next thought is 'If I was in a bold mood, I might offer to pray for his wrist..... but I'm not, so I won't.' Then he starts telling me about his wrist, how much it hurts, how the Dr was rubbish and didn't really help at all etc etc... I remember thinking 'OK God, I hear you, I hear where you're taking this, and I'm choosing to bottle it right now...' Our conversation continues and he asks where I work... 'I work for a church I reply, with young people...' He pretty much ignores that and moves on to do a credit check.

It turns out there is a 15 minute wait for the credit check because everyone is getting a new iphone on the same day I am. So there we are with another 15 minutes to talk. He continues to tell me how the pain in his wrist was so bad the night before he couldn't sleep. In my head my conversation with God goes like this 'I can still see what you're trying to do, but I just can't today... I'm still choosing to bottle it...'

Mr o2 continues talking about his wrist and I kind of feel God say something a long the lines of 'we can go on like this as long as you'd like, or you could just offer to pray.' So finally after about 40 minutes I give in and managed to muster some line about the Church I go to seeing people healed and could I pray for his wrist....? His response 'yeah sure, as long as I don't have to, I'm not into the whole religion thing...but if you think it might work.....'

Then the conversation quickly changes and we're back to the nitty gritty of sorting out the iphone. I think I'm off the hook... eventually he hands over the contract, phone and everything else and I think 'oh well, at least I offered to pray, I'll pray by proxy and maybe he'll get healed, he's clearly not up for me praying and I don't want to be pushy...' and then he says to me 'so what do I have to do if you're going to pray for me, do I just take this off (pointing at the brace thing)?' I'm thinking 'hmmmm...there really is no way out of this now, I'm just going to have to go with this....'

I encourage him to do so, I hold his wrist and then tell the pain to go in the name of Jesus. In the middle of a packed o2 shop, with his colleagues looking at me like I'm a loon...something of the fear of man was broken in me.

I don't actually know if he's been healed or not, he thanked me and we shock hands and I said 'let me know if that gets better...' I don't really know why I said that as really he has no way of letting me know....!!! I'm wondering about plucking up the courage to go back in there and ask him.... at the moment though I'm sitting on the 'chicken' side of the fence!

Isn't God good though... he chooses to use frail, nervous, 'chicken' people to bring his Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven... I guess this is just a little story to illustrate that we're all on a journey with this which has mountains and valleys, sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong, sometimes we're just plain stubborn but God perseveres with us, all of the time God believes in us far me than we believe in ourselves, I'm so grateful I serve a God of second, third, fourth....(and the rest) chances.!

Lessons I never thought I would learn.

Life is a bit odd at the moment.

I'm in the process of learning lessons I never thought I would learn.

The thing is, I think we get so used to living our lives in a certain way that we don't expect there to be other options. At the moment I'm aware that God is teaching me about new ways of doing things. Specifically He's speaking to me about new ways of thinking. I've been so stuck in my old ways of thinking that my head is really struggling to get used to this new way.

The Bible tells us to 'be transformed by the renewing of your mind' and that's what I'm praying will happen for me. As God renews my mind I will be transformed, but equally as I actively seek to let my mind be renewed, God will do the transforming. It's tricky stuff!

God is revealing so much to me about this new way of thinking that I can barely take it in or process it...maybe that's the point. The fact that this new way of thinking is so different to what I'm used to means that it is going to come as some what of a shock to my system - and it is!

It's not really a new revelation, it's more that the truth of the revelation is sinking in. On the one hand it's really simple and on the other hand it's the most complex truth and completely incomprehensible.

Nothing I do changes the intensity of God's love for me. he is passionate about me always and about having a relationship with me.

Did you get that... absolutely NOTHING.

I was speaking to a young person today and she said something like 'it doesn't make sense that God would love me because I know what I'm like and I'm not all that' I had to agree with her and say 'yep, it doesn't make sense, but that doesn't mean it's not true.' We then had a great discussion about how we need to know and live in the good of what God thinks about us.

I'm so thankful that the TRUTH is not based on me or my feelings, but instead it's based on the one who never changes - where would we be without Him?!

So bear with me as I learn this lesson...it's going to take me a while.....!!!

IN JESUS

It is no secret to anyone who has known me for more than about a day that I love a certain Brighton based band who go by the name of Phatfish.

Their new album is due to be released on June 4th (the day after my birthday coincidently...!!) and until the 1st June they're GIVING AWAY a free download of the title track 'In Jesus'. You really would be a fool not to follow this link right away, download it and then play it on repeat - it will do you good!

After you've done that you should follow this link, book yourself a ticket for the nearest gig to you and count down the days until it arrives with glee. I can promise that you won't be disappointed.

Following that you should set a reminder on your phone to purchase the new album - I've had a sneak preview listen and it is simply outstanding. I've said it before and I'm likely to say it again 'you just can't beat a bit of Phatfish.'

Go enjoy the free download.... NOW!!!!!

playing a bit of a game with God

So today I was on my way back from a lovely lunch and I had to go a bit of a different way. The road that I usually use is closed at the moment and I didn't really know what other way to go. I had a rough idea but wasn't at all confident and good old TomTom wasn't with me! I heard God say 'just trust me, listen to my voice and go where I tell you.' I replied 'hmm.....but what if I hear you wrong' God told me 'it's no big deal, just listen and go where I tell you.'

So I thought I'd give it a go, I'm always up for learning more about hearing God's voice. The funny thing was that God was telling me to go in what I thought was the 'wrong' direction. I was sort of arguing with Him in my head, but funnily enough (!) He guided me all the way back to a road I recognised and from where I could navigate myself home.

God is so interested in every area of our lives - even when we're not sure how to get home! Why not play a game with God this week - how can you practice hearing His voice?

A cool story: God heals today!

Twice a month on a Thursday morning I head off to 'regional leaders' this is where anyone with a leadership role in a local NewFrontiers church get together for worship, prayer, encouragement and doughnuts.

A couple of months ago we spent some time praying for the different churches represented. One of the lead elders couldn't be there as he was pretty ill. He'd been having problems with his voice for a really long time, he'd be back and forward to the hospital and they'd given him a date for an operation. He could barely talk and had been told by the Dr's that his voice would probably never be the same again - not so good for a preacher.

As a group we knew this wasn't what God wanted for this guy, so we prayed. Then someone had an idea - let's pray for something and send it back as a kind of a 'we're praying for you sign' and we'll believe for a miraculous healing.

Don't get me wrong, this is a bit out there. None of us had a theology of praying for hankies, but it just seemed like a God moment and the right thing to do. Nobody had a hankie either, so we prayed over a paper towel and sent it back with the elders.

That night the guy slept with the paper towel under his pillow. He woke up the next morning TOTALLY HEALED!! He went back to the hospital who have now refused to operate on him because THERE IS NOTHING WRONG!!

I only heard the end of this story yesterday at church - God is so good and His Kingdom is breaking out all over the place! More Lord!

A plea to Anon

I read this article earlier on in the week. It got me pretty frustrated, mostly because I think a proper understanding of the Scriptures with regards to men and women makes a MASSIVE difference on this issue.

So here's my response:

Dear Anon! I am gutted that you feel like this and want to shout at the top of my lungs - IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS!! I have to be honest and say that I've found a different approach has kept me from ever experiencing the feelings you've expressed. The different approach I'm talking about is making a conscious decision to submit myself to the male eldership over me and trust them in their God given authority. I've found this approach ridiculously releasing.

I don't have to worry, or strive, or push my agenda because I know the guys in authority over me believe in me, know my gifts and will honour and protect me in every situation. I don't feel like I'm held back, or pushed to the sidelines in fact I'm able to step out with amazing security and freedom. Everything I do is submitted to the elders of the Church I work for and my covering comes from them - I'm not afraid to say that I think submission is key. I wholeheartedly believe eldership is male and that women should be released into EVERY other leadership role going (which would include preaching). I think God has created male and female differently and that includes different roles.

As a part of Christ's Church we're called to submit to GODLY eldership, (whether we're male or female) the more and more I've embraced this the more and more released I've been to use my gifts in the local church, regionally and nationally.

I'm sorry this hasn't been your experience, and bad male leaders can make the life of a gifted women a nightmare - I sympathise with you and share my experience as an encouragement - there are men out there who when secure in their own gifting will do everything they can to release young leaders (male or female) in theirs. Sarah.

Meeting Jesus for the first time (a rather long blog!)

Inspired by Adrian and lacking in any ideas myself as to what to blog about, I thought I'd take some time to share the story of how I first met Jesus.

I grew up with a pretty standard 'English' understanding of God for a child of the 80's. I never questioned the existence of God, to be honest I never really thought much about it. Christmas was about Jesus being born, Easter was about Jesus dying, and that was it. Some people went to church but that was because they were a bit over enthusiastic, but if that's what they wanted to do it was fine by me. My family didn't go to church apart from the standard weddings and funerals.

Everything changed when I was about 13. My eldest brother (at this point he would've been about 22) started going to the local Baptist Church. This was wierd. Why would he suddenly start going to Church? It turned out his best friend had invited him to his own baptism and my brother wanted to find out more after attending that service. He started to make friends and church became a regular part of his week. To his 13 year old sister this was all a bit strange.

Eventually he started telling me about the youth group and encouraging me to go. I was not interested, the last thing I wanted to do was go to church. After much persuasion I started to attend the Friday night social stuff the church put on for young people. I found out it wasn't actually that bad and I became a regular attender of anything social. Occasionally they would sneak in something about Jesus (this is how I saw it anyway) and me and my friends would laugh and jeer and pretend like we didn't care - I just couldn't work out why these people were so bothered about Jesus, they seemed almost obsessed with Him, like He really mattered to them.

I continued to enjoy the social aspects of the youth group but cringed every time God or Jesus was mentioned. I'd happily mock the Christians, laugh at their songs and dismiss everything they said, I liked that the leaders were fun and made an effort to get to know me, but I didn't like them pushing their beliefs on me. I wasn't interested.

The summer after I turned 14 the youth leaders announced they were taking the youth on two camps, one was a weekend 'Christian' music festival down the road in Ringwood, the other was much further away in Shropshire for a whole 7 days. Both would be lots of fun, and would have some sort of Christian content. I decided to go to both, I'd been avoiding anything Christian so far and was well up for a weekend and a week away with my youth group friends - plenty of fun to be had!

The music festival was a disaster. It's fair to say I hated it. A friend and I tried our hardest not to say 'Oh my God' or 'Jesus' as swear words the whole weekend as we felt pretty un-Christian amongst all the Christian people. We didn't do very well. We stayed on our camp site and avoided any of the celebrations and gigs, there was way to much Jesus stuff going on for our liking. One evening we decided to go down to the main meeting and sit on the very outside, but unfortunately from the front the worship leader told people to get into prayer groups, myself and a friend were pulled (quite innocently) into a prayer group and didn't have a clue what was going on. My friend and I felt scared and confused so ran back to the camp, packed down our tent and demanded to be taken home. I told the youth leader I hated him and all his happy clappy friends.

In his wisdom the youth leader didn't let us go home, he tried to explain what had happen at the main session, we calmed down and spent the rest of the weekend on the campsite, not venturing anywhere near anymore Christian stuff. In my head I had decided never to go to anything to do with the Church again after that weekend, I would survive the rest of the weekend and leave the youth group forever - God had other plans!

After returning from the music festival my parents picked up I wasn't right. I told them I didn't want to go on the next camp (called 'MCV') but they had paid the full amount for me to go and weren't exactly excited by loosing the fee they'd paid. So although I didn't want to go I knew I had to go on ANOTHER camp with church people in a few weeks time. I put it to the back of my mind and enjoyed a few weeks without anything Church-y. No-one mentioning Jesus, I could blaspheme without offending anyone and most of all I didn't feel awkward.

Mid August arrived and I was all packed, my older brother was also going on the same camp - he was more enthusiastic than me! I moaned the whole way there, I didn't want to get to know anymore 'Bible bashers' I wouldn't listen to what they say and I certainly wasn't going to join their wierd little gang.

Something changed the minute I started to meet the leaders on this camp. Most of them were unknown to me. They had different accents and they seemed to behave in a very odd way. They were nice, they were friendly, they didn't hate me for my bad attitude and they seemed so happy to be alive. I couldn't match what I thought about Christians and how these people were acting. In hindsight I can only say that the Holy Spirit was opening my eyes up to the difference Jesus made in their lives, and the truth was I wanted it.

I didn't want to admit that I was finding this Christian stuff a bit more interesting. I couldn't work out why my thoughts were beginning to change towards Jesus and why I had so many questions that I wanted answers to. Previously I hadn't cared - but now I did. Every evening and morning there was a short service, suddenly I liked the singing and was really interested to hear what the preacher had to say. I loved watching the leaders worship - what was it they were so passionate about, and why wasn't I?

I decided to speak to my room mate who was a bit older than me. I knew she was a Christian, but I didn't find her wierd - just the right person! I wanted to know what it sounded like when God spoke, I wanted to know how I would know if God spoke to me. Why was everyone so bothered about Jesus? What's all this talk about sin? We stayed up chatting 'til about 3am, me firing questions and her faithfully answering.

That morning I knew I had to do something about the heat I could feel in my heart. I knew I was about to change. I felt nervous and excited, I knew I wanted to know Jesus for myself, I knew I was about to 'become' the thing that I had thought was so stupid for so long. I didn't really understand what being a Christian meant, but I knew I wanted to be one!

After almost speaking to one of the leaders about 4 times that day eventually by mid afternoon I managed to grab one of the leaders and say 'I think I want to become a Christian' we spoke for a bit and then we prayed. That was it. Everything had changed, yet nothing was different. I felt like a weight had been lifted and I couldn't stop smiling. I remember going to see my brother and saying 'I've become a Christian' his response was 'but you don't like them' I responded 'I am one now.' I remember going to see the couple who had so faithfully led the youth group back at home - they were as shocked as I was, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

At the time I would've said I had chosen to give my life to Christ, and to an extent that's true - but what really happened is that for whatever reason (GRACE alone) God chose me before the foundation of the world - that week in August 1996 the Holy Spirit revealed the wonder of the Gospel to me and I responded to the call that was tugging on my heart from the minute we drove through the gates of that conference centre.

It's not surprising really that God has called me into the work that was so significant in my salvation. I will forever be grateful for the faithful witness of youth workers who loved Jesus and loved me as a young person, they loved me enough to let me work it out for myself and they showed me the difference Jesus makes.

So Rog, Ali, Jen, Hayley, Helen and Andy - thank you for showing me Jesus and leading me to him.